Now What??

I made the decision to move myself on to step 3.  It says, 'Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God'.  This is a little confusing for me.  Somewhere around my fiftieth birthday God stepped in and gave me a good talking to.  I needed it. 

I really look at 50 as a huge turning point in my life.  I finally realized I was not in charge.  I'm more calm and less stressed.  That's when I got off the treadmill called climbing the corporate ladder.  He convinced me I had more to offer in this world.  Before I get out of bed each morning I pray to restore my faith in Him.  I thank God for the blessing of a new day as I open the blinds and peer out into my beautiful bird filled backyard.  I ask Him to walk by my side.

Lately I've been slacking in the prayer department.  It's difficult to concentrate while the room is spinning and my ears constantly ring.  I'm dealing with a bad bout of vertigo.  After numerous blood tests, brain scans and a trip to the ear, nose and throat doctor,  I'm told they don't know what causes it and it will go away.  But I have to wait it out.  In case you were wondering, I do have a brain and it's perfectly normal.  I was really hoping for the magic pill however, because this is really annoying.  Communication with God has been spotty at best in the past few weeks. 

I know that He stood by my side and had me leave the bookstore last week empty handed.  I'm not really sure what I need to do for this step.  I thought I had turned my  life over to His care many years ago.  Maybe I turned over some of my life and just not the part pertaining to books.  That would be just like me to try to retain control over something.  I wish this ear ringing would stop.  Then maybe I could hear what I'm supposed to be hearing.

Is the message this?  I should get out that unread book sitting on my shelf that has to do with women in recovery.  And read it.