Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
I have to say it took me a long time to read this book, not because it was poorly written or uninteresting, but because I was living everything that was inside of it. My step mother, June passed away in March at the age of 93. I've spent the past two years managing her care and taking care of her finances all while watching her move into the final days of her life.
What I learned from Being Mortal is that our doctors are trained to save lives. There is little in their extensive education about how to help people die peacefully. When I read Dr. Gawande's words, I finally knew I was not alone. I'd spent a lot of time questioning each and every decision I had to make for her. Conversations with doctors, nurses and nursing home administrators left me frustrated and exhausted. The road is bumpy to say the least.
First I moved June to an assisted living facility. It took several months but finally she'd settled in nicely and seemed happy. Then she fell and broke her hip. I had to decide whether or not she should have a hip replacement or allow the bone to heal naturally, confining her to bed and risking bedsores. She had the surgery but was never able to recover from it. On top of all that she also had dementia. June didn't want any more physical therapy, I felt helpless trying to get it to stop. She didn't want to eat, and yet my instructions that she didn't have to eat if she didn't want to, went unheeded. I was the only voice she had, and I knew she was ready to go. We had talked about it many times over the 50 years I had known her.
Being Mortal gave me tools to work with and helped me to understand how our system for caring for the elderly is set up. The knowledge I got from it gave me with some small victories over time. This is a book that should be read if you are caring for an elderly loved one, or if you want to prepare for your own old age. We should all be able to live out the end of our days in a way that is best for us. This is a powerful and moving book. Thank you, Dr. Gawande for your compassion and showing us that we have a choice.
I have to say it took me a long time to read this book, not because it was poorly written or uninteresting, but because I was living everything that was inside of it. My step mother, June passed away in March at the age of 93. I've spent the past two years managing her care and taking care of her finances all while watching her move into the final days of her life.
What I learned from Being Mortal is that our doctors are trained to save lives. There is little in their extensive education about how to help people die peacefully. When I read Dr. Gawande's words, I finally knew I was not alone. I'd spent a lot of time questioning each and every decision I had to make for her. Conversations with doctors, nurses and nursing home administrators left me frustrated and exhausted. The road is bumpy to say the least.
First I moved June to an assisted living facility. It took several months but finally she'd settled in nicely and seemed happy. Then she fell and broke her hip. I had to decide whether or not she should have a hip replacement or allow the bone to heal naturally, confining her to bed and risking bedsores. She had the surgery but was never able to recover from it. On top of all that she also had dementia. June didn't want any more physical therapy, I felt helpless trying to get it to stop. She didn't want to eat, and yet my instructions that she didn't have to eat if she didn't want to, went unheeded. I was the only voice she had, and I knew she was ready to go. We had talked about it many times over the 50 years I had known her.
Being Mortal gave me tools to work with and helped me to understand how our system for caring for the elderly is set up. The knowledge I got from it gave me with some small victories over time. This is a book that should be read if you are caring for an elderly loved one, or if you want to prepare for your own old age. We should all be able to live out the end of our days in a way that is best for us. This is a powerful and moving book. Thank you, Dr. Gawande for your compassion and showing us that we have a choice.
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