Back To My Roots

Books are piling up on my shelf again. I'm back to feeling helpless when it comes to resisting them.  Is it that when I ordered a keyboard cover for my new laptop on Amazon, I had to order a few books in order to get free shipping? Or that while attending the Florida Writers Association conference a couple weeks ago, I couldn't resist shopping in the bookstore.  Or is it that I've felt a new surge in writing lately and when I go to the bookstore for some peace, I'm overwhelmed by all the new books out for Christmas.

All of the above.  I also snuck in a few new titles on my Kindle.  The other day while dusting in the dining room, I saw the books that grace the shelves there. I'd forgotten about them. We don't eat in the dining room very often, only when we have company.  Now I'm feeling overwhelmed by books again. 

That got me to thinking why I started writing this blog to begin with.  Addiction.  I seemed to think that hoarding books was harmless.  I loved to read, what harm could it be.  Yet I foolishly spent money on things I didn't use.  Armloads of books sat silently on my shelf.  As soon as the next intriguing best seller came out, I bought it, tossing aside all the perfectly good books I already had.  When I started writing this blog, I had 76 unread books waiting for my loving eyes to read their pages and warm hands to hold them.  For a long time I kept track of titles I read.  Probably half of that 76 has been read, a few more given away when I started them and couldn't stomach more that the first chapter.  At least another 76 have made their way into my reading mind without ever being logged onto the list. 

The path that initially had me examining my bookshelf also got me to examine my life.  For a long time after closing the book I read before bedtime, I prayed for the will to stop drinking.  And every day at dinner, I reached into the refrigerator for a bottle of wine.  From my drunken stupor, I prayed some more.  And then one day I fixed dinner and set a glass of water in front of my place.  That was almost three years ago.

That first night, I went to bed and said thank you.  The next night, I asked for help me.  Unbeknownst to me, that first night was only the beginning of a long and painful journey.  But I made it down the road.  Oh sure, on days like today, when it's cold out, for some reason I crave a drink.  But I don't have one.  So many things are clearer in my mind.  It's so much more pleasant not driving through life in the fog.

I'll make it through my pile of books.  I'll read them, keeping the ones I love and passing along those I don't like quite so much. My love of books and the written word helped me to understand other shortcomings in my life.  Every book comes into my life for a reason and I promise I'm going to read them.  I know I can do it.  My books showed me the way. 

My Kindle is Coming!!

I broke down and ordered it.  The Kindle.  The list of unread books is still long.  Somedays I feel I'm plowing through the list in record speed.  Then I look at it and the titles on the unread side never seems to get lesser in number.

So now the wait begins.  I ordered the new cheaper Kindle with ads.  I wanted to save a little money and I don't really care about the ads.  But that didn't really work out for me.  Why?  Because I broke down and ordered a leather case with a light which cost far more money than what I saved on the Kindle.  The case came today and it's gorgeous.  I ordered it in green since green is my favorite color.  I've stared at it's beauty, caressed the soft leather and carefully stored it in its box so the cover will be perfect when the Kindle finally arrives.  The anticipation is killing me.

Now that I'm not working and have more free time, I've been itching to visit the bookstore.  But I can't.  The last thing I need is more printed books when, if I can just find an ounce of patience, I'll soon be able to download the e-version and carry it with me wherever I go.  I'm dreaming of setting the font size so I can read without glasses, turning the page with a press of my thumb and never again need a bookmark.  I'm really afraid I'll love the Kindle so much, I'll download all the unread titles I already have in paper versions thus buying them twice.  Staying out of the store makes me feel like I'm somehow in control of my book buying addiction.

Originally the Kindle itself was set to arrive around May 9th. But today I got an email saying it may be here by May 3rd.  Amazon could sense how anxious I am for their device.  They must know by the number of my book reviews how bad my addiction is.  They wanted in on a sure and steady revenue stream sooner rather than later.  I'll be watching the mailbox. And trying to cross a few more books off my list before it arrives.

I Can't Resist!

Richard wanted to go to the bookstore.  I haven't been there in a while.  I'm living by the out of sight out of mind rule.  Actually I've been satisfying my cravings with free books from the clubhouse library.  Those free books also come home and sit on the shelf. So free or not a book always needs to rest awhile before I choose to read it.  But Richard likes to go and read the real estate and interior design magazines.  My arm didn't need much twisting.  I got the car keys

"I want to stay here for a while.  Don't rush me out of here," he said as we got out of the car.

"Not a problem," I answered.  After twenty three years of marriage I thought he understood my love of the bookstore.

Richard headed to the back of the store and I grabbed a book from the shelf that had been calling to me for months.  'The Reliable Wife'.  Ever since I heard Donald Maass mention this book at the RWA-WF conference I've been wanting to read it.  Mr. Maass discussed the use of backstory in writing. The rule is not to add it in too soon, layer it in slowly so it moves the story forward.  And only tell the reader what they need to know.  He used the example of 'The Reliable Wife' where the first twelve pages are backstory yet the reader becomes fully invested in the character.  His message was that rules are good but can be broken.

I sat down and started to read.  I was hooked.  So when Richard announced he was ready to go, I didn't want to leave this book behind.

"Get it," he told me.

"But it's fifteen dollars.  I have to work and hour and a half for that." I held the book tightly to my chest.

"Just get it."

Again the arm twisting was brief. 

My review will come as soon as I finish reading it.  It's a page turner, that much I will tell you.  I know I broke my own rule and I hope you'll forgive me just this once.  Or is it twice?  Or maybe three times? I've lost count. 

Moving On

I think I'm making progress. I've been stuck on step 2 for quite sometime.  I think now it's time to move forward.

Yesterday I had a meeting at the local bookstore with some members of my writing group.  I think you all know what happens when I walk into a bookstore.  I break out in a cold sweat, tempted to buy each and every book that I lay my eyes on. 
"Buy yourself a book while you're there," said Richard.
"You know I'm not supposed to buy any more books until I read what's on the shelf," I responded, loving him all the more for giving me permission to do what I longed to do.  At that moment, in my mind, his acceptance was all I needed to indulged myself.
"You deserve it.  Get yourself something." He kissed me goodbye.
"OK," I answered, the book selected and the money spent and I hadn't even left the house yet.

I browsed the shelves while I waited for members of my group.  My selection list grew to five new titles as I walked the aisles.  Richard said it was OK.  I was all set to make my purchases as soon as our meeting concluded.

For an hour, my team worked together on our project.  I took notes and added input while trying to block the call of the thousands of books from my mind.  I struggled to focus on our project as the voices of enticing stories begged me to take them home.  Meeting over, I got up and walked to the door while chatting with a friend.  She opened the door and I followed her outside.

"Thanks for saving me," I said as we walked to the parking lot.
"Saving you from what?" she asked.
"You know I'm not supposed to buy any new books.  If you'd left me in there alone, I would have succumbed to the temptation."
She rolled her eyes.  "I have a stack of books at home to read.  I had to get out of there myself."
Belief in that higher Power moved me out of harm's way.  I'm not alone.  I'm moving on to step 3.